by Christine Dafter

Throughout the world, it’s the people in organisations who can assert themselves that seem to get what they want easily, and those who can’t who seem to dissolve into the background.

Corporations are always sending their people to courses to become more assertive. As you consider what’s appropriate for your organisation, and your people, consider these questions: what is assertiveness; what is it not; and what are the skills that can be acquired easily? After 13 years of running these courses, let me share some of my insights.

time exAssertiveness is often not understood

Some people believe that being assertive is about being loud, demanding and uncaring of others. This is the formula for aggressiveness and not like assertiveness at all. It’s important to understand the distinction. Assertiveness is a skill. It is a skill that allows an individual to communicate their thoughts, feelings and opinions clearly and directly.

Assertiveness is midway between being passive and being aggressive. It is the ability to constructively express thoughts and feeling without placing our rights and needs above the listener. Assertive statements are expressed without humiliating, dominating or insulting the other person.

The culture of an organisation often defines what is expected by way of a communication style. If a meeting is held and everyone has something to say, it’s the quiet one that stands out. It’s not that they don’t have something to say. Maybe they are too shy, uncomfortable speaking up in front of peers, or simply do not have the skills.

In assertiveness training, before we talk about specific skills, we explore what genuine assertiveness looks like and sound like.

People are often surprised to learn that it is possible to be both quiet and assertive. A soft spoken “no thanks” is as assertive as and probably more effective than a screaming rant. They learn that assertive behaviour does not require intimidating stances, strong language or angry looks. It simply requires speaking for ourselves and conveying what we want or what our opinion is, clearly and directly.

We don’t need to overcome the enemy, we just have to voice our needs

There are many benefits to assertiveness training. For the quiet one in the meeting, they will finally be heard, empowered and stand up to be counted. For others, they develop the self confidence to say what they are thinking, what they want or what they need.

Some Skills

“I” Statements

Since assertiveness is a skill, it can be learned. In order to begin learning the skills, let’s start with a clear definition and understanding of assertiveness.

Assertiveness is about communication at an individual level, clearly and directly. Learning, understanding and using verbal patterns is essential. The most important is the “I” statement. This is also the easiest way to begin implementing assertiveness skills. Practising “I” statements – such as “I need”, “I want”, or “I’m thinking” is the beginning of becoming assertive.

Here’s a model to help when explaining “I” statements:

Assert skills image, showing Personal Responsibilities over Blame and Justify

The blame and justify response is below the line. Above the line you take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts and feelings. By beginning a sentence with “I” instead of “You” an individual is able to state their perspective and be in a position to express what they think, without blaming someone else.

Assertiveness is more than just a communication skill. It is a mindset. The need to believe that they are worthy, and just as important as others, is paramount. To do this, people need to feel good about themselves, and have a healthy self-esteem. Some of us have been taught a life time of things such as “you need to be nice” or “if you aren’t nice to others, they won’t like you”. This can be a major barrier to learning assertiveness skills.

When learning to be more assertive, the first step is often to identify the situations in which you are not assertive. When you can recognise why, then you can recognise the benefits of changing. Digging down to the feelings and beliefs that will stop you from implementing the skills is a critical component. Often, it is dealing with these feelings and beliefs that have stopped a person from becoming more assertive at work in the first place.

Stop Talking

One indicator of a change in the mindset to becoming more assertive is the level at which a person explains everything.

“The more you talk, the less assertive you are!”

Think about the last time you had a conversation with someone that went on and on and on. Did you wonder why they did this? Were they doing this for your benefit or theirs? When using the “I” statement it is about getting your thoughts and feelings across clearly and directly. Excessive explanations dilute what is being said and usually make the communication unclear.

Taking personal responsibility is part of being assertive.

Listen to a person who is not being assertive. Are they sounding like they are taking responsibility for what they are saying? I often use the example of deciding where to go for dinner. Is the response “what do you think” or “whatever everyone else wants”? How frustrating is this! This passive behaviour does not allow the person to participate in the decision. They give over all of their power to the person asking the question. Personal responsibility is participating and assertively putting your opinion forward.

Learn to say ‘NO’

Learning to say no is an important part of assertiveness training. This is often the hardest part for people. The image they have in their heads of themselves, saying no to a co-worker or manager, is a scary one. Often they feel intimidated and can’t see themselves doing anything different.

We begin by looking at alternatives. Is it ok to stress yourself out, work till your frazzled, and probably not do a good job at what you are responsible for because you can’t say no? How would you react if someone told you they can’t do something now because they need to finish their work but after that is done, they would be happy to help. This assertive response is perfectly acceptable. They are saying “no” but are doing it in an assertive manner.

Practice makes Permanent

Assertiveness skills require practice. A good manager knows that people will need coaching to implement what they have learned. Without the opportunity to practise the new skills, they will not be adopted.

I encourage people to practise their skills on someone they will likely never see again. For example, return the cold meal the next time you are at a restaurant. Resist the temptation to give in to the urban myth, about what hospitality workers do to customers they don’t like, and assert your right to enjoy a quality meal prepared the way you’ve ordered it.

Practise saying “no” to a shop assistant in a tone of voice that is more assertive than usual. At this point, your understanding of what assertiveness is and feels like begins to grow. When practising it, try one more thing – vary your tone of voice.

We have all heard the statistics before – verbal communication is comprised of 93% nonverbal communication and 7% is the words you choose. Well, 38% of that is expressed with tone, pitch, and pace of voice. By listening to yourself as you practise, you can develop a tone that you are comfortable with, then slowly begin to use this in the work place.

Working with a coach or someone you can trust to help you, is the best way to practise the skills needed to become more assertive. Asking yourself why you don’t speak up and working through the thoughts and feelings, will also help you to develop the assertive mindset, needed to implement assertiveness skills. Remember – practice makes permanent!

Christine Dafter

Chris is a well credentialed highly skilled learning specialist, who brings to her clients practical work experience translated into an effective learning experience. Chris specialises in all aspects of front line management development, as well as working with people in their personal and professional development.

Chris can be contacted through The Training Link 1300 88 44 33

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by Tia O’Shea

We’ve been shifting Dad from the old family home into a retirement village. It’s a tough time. Tough for me to realise the old veteran can’t really look after himself any more. Tough for him to realise he’s no longer the man in charge, and tough for the two strapping lads shifting the furniture, when some old codger is barking orders at them about not scratching the radiogram. Who listens to radio anyway?!

It got me thinking about the different generations in the workplace. About how different generations have different outlooks on work and how important it is for effective leaders, to know how to tap into each of these generations’ motivations. How to really connect. How to overcome the so-called “generation gap”.

It also got me thinking that, while there’s lots been written about the “Baby Boomers”, “Gen X” and “Gen Y” it is important not to categorise people just by the years they were born. We all need to be treated as individuals, even though there are benefits, by looking at the broader picture, to gain some different perspectives.

Each of the generations has benefits to bring to any business. Effective leaders understand who these different generations are, why and how they behave differently and know how to connect with them in the workplace.

Generations Definedtime ex

The “Baby Boomers” can be loosely defined as those born during the post-war baby boom, from 1946 to 1964. The world-changing events of this generation include; the assassination of JFK; man walking on the moon; the Vietnam war; smoking pot; sexual freedom; civil rights; women’s rights; the environmental movement; the Cold War and the oil shortage.

Baby Boomers tend to be experimental, individualistic, free spirited and distrustful of government. They enjoy competitions, hard work, disdain rules and, fight for a cause.

They also make up most of senior management and are not looking forward to retirement.

“Generation X” refers to those born between 1964 and 1980. The notable events, as this generation grew up, include; widespread drug use; divorce; fractured families; working parents; racial strife; AIDS and economic uncertainty. They tend to be resentful of what they’ve inherited from previous generations.

Gen X tend to distrust authority, are reactive, pessimistic, self-opinionated, creative, resourceful and self-reliant. They’re strong on relationships and rights.

They’re also sandwiched between Baby Boomers not wanting to let go and the cooler, tech-savvy Gen Y.

“Generation Y” has just arrived at adulthood, being born somewhere between 1980 and 2000. The notable events as this generation grew up include; the end of the Cold War; MTV; costly education; universal personal computers; the internet; widespread drug and sexual experimentation; mobile phones; instant messaging and social networking.

Gen Y is seen as ambitious for personal wealth, brand conscious, having limited job loyalty and being exceptionally technology savvy.

Surprisingly Gen Y is least concerned about the environment.

Let’s not forget the generation before either, sometimes now referred to as the “Veterans”. They grew up during the Great Depression and World war II. The Veterans are formal, private, believe in hard work and trust in authority and the social order.

It could be summed up that the Veterans “work and work”, the Baby Boomers “live to work”, GenX “work to live” and Gen Y “live and work”

Generations Led

The first thing wise leaders notice is that the mission statements and corporate values of most organisations have been defined by Baby Boomers. Often the wording and even the intent is misunderstood by those generations that have followed.

There is often a gap between expectations and behaviours. Baby Boomers pursue their career, whereas Gen X likes to intersperse some work experience with lifestyle events, often cross-cultural. Gen Y often begins with, and stays with, part-time employment. Baby Boomers are used to turning up and doing as expected. To connect with and motivate Gen X and Gen Y, you may need flexibility on hours of work, attendance, procedures and even training expectations.

“Accountability” has a different meaning to the different generations and so clear definition of roles and responsibilities has become even more important. This provides clear benchmarks for performance and with Gen X and Gen Y it’s important to involve them in creating these definitions.

Generally people do want to “make a difference”. A Veteran will work as they’re told to; Baby Boomers will work to achieve success; Gen X will work to win recognition; and Gen Y will work to create outcomes.

Ultimately what all generations expect from their leaders is to feel valued for their contribution. The different generations typically have different values and for leaders to motivate they need to tap into these values.

Veterans Baby Boomers Gen X Gen Y
privacy competitions entrepreneurial spirit support
hard work hard work independence positive attitude
trust success creativity diversity
authority team work information lifestyle
social order social causes work-life balance technology
honour flexibility recognition team work

A project group with mixed generations can be a powerful team if briefed appropriately. Effective leaders will outline the steps towards the goal to include the Baby Boomers; tell the group what needs to be done, rather than how it’s to be done, to fit in Gen X and provide opportunities for variation to loop in Gen Y.

As the project evolves Baby Boomers may need formal whole team meetings and progress ladders, to show who’s doing well; Gen X informal meetings with verbal recognition and Gen Y one on one chats, emails or text messages. Success for Baby Boomers could be names on plaques; for Gen X being asked to be involved with other projects and for Gen Y, simply a day off.

Organisations that recognise the benefits of generational differences, educate and coach their managers in how to vary their leadership to suit. Sometimes it may mean redesigning roles to suit the make-up of the team. It usually means offering greater flexibility in employment contracts. The flexibility sometimes needs to extend to where the team is located, equipping them with the technology to work at distance and at any hour.

Generations Leading

As well as being led, each generation brings different styles of leadership.

Baby Boomers typically have a strong work ethic and are very company, even industry, focussed. Their motivation is often security or responsibility and sometimes their leadership decisions can be influenced by tradition or the reputation it will add to their career.

Gen X leadership is all about achievements and the team. Their motivation is usually about realising opportunities, change and progress, and sometimes their leadership decisions, can be seen as capricious, based simply on hunch and the observation or recommendation of others.

Gen Y leadership strength is allowing individuality and they strive for and encourage, creativity and variety. Sometimes their leadership decisions can be affected by the need to vary the experience and act quickly.

A final word

Because someone was born during a particular period doesn’t necessarily mean they think alike. History is littered with notable people “born before their time”. Likewise organisations are full of people who exhibit some of the characteristics of the generation they were born into, and some of the characteristics of the generations before their time.

Celebrate the generational differences, in the same way we celebrate different cultures, creeds, genders and races. Celebrate the individuals as well. Effective Generational Leadership is about adapting your style to suit your team and the idividuals.

Tia O’Shea

As Director of The Training Link, Tia O’Shea has spent the past 13 years working with a diverse range of organisations defining specific business and development needs and providing solutions that not only meet client needs but add value to their business.

Tia can be contacted on 1300 88 44 33

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I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by all the news on the global financial crisis and what it means to business now, and in the New Year. It seems hardly a day goes by when there isn’t another story about a collapsed corporation, a share value dive, or a government funded rescue package.

It seems every organisation, and every individual, will be affected at some level. How we respond, as individuals and organisations, will depend on just how resilient we are. It got me thinking about how often successes are built during exactly these sorts of tough times.

It truly is survival of the fittest.

The business landscape is becoming more and more connected, more and more unpredictable and volatile, and the consequences of external events more and more impactful. Respond late and you run the danger of being left behind. Respond late to this global crisis and you run the danger of joining in it.

While this is economic change of an unprecedented nature, let’s not forget the other changes we’re experiencing right now. To what extent is your business affected, directly or indirectly, by environmental change and global warming?

Maybe you’re caught up, directly or indirectly, in other political or social agendas. I can’t help thinking there are interesting times ahead, for the developers of the controversial St Kilda Triangle project – most of the previous council was thrown out at the recent election!

Maybe you and your organisation are caught up in the increased pace of merger and acquisition. Perhaps you’re coming to terms with the rapid career transition of Gen Y, or the unparalleled advance in information technology – I just bought a new iPhone and sometimes I’m not sure if it’s a phone, or a diary, or my email, or a camera!

Heavens, the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. We haven’t much time left!

Quick, what makes people and organisations resilient in tough times?

Generally resilience in people is characterised by their ability to quickly bounce back from trauma or adversity. Resilient organisations typically are populated by resilient people and anticipate and plan for disaster or near disaster.

Resilient people can laugh in the face of adversity, retain their sense of purpose, happily accept change, and learn the skills to adapt to the new ways. Resilient organisations adapt too, but more importantly, they anticipate the critical action they need to take, by monitoring emerging trends.

Puts a different perspective on strategic planning, doesn’t it? Organisations that are resilient strive for the best, and plan for the worst! They are known for their ability to bounce back from near disaster, implement on-going and continuous change, and often will set the trend, rather than follow it.

How can you strengthen the resilience of your people and your organisation?

Like life itself, so much of resilience is attitude. Finding and developing the right attitude is important – people who view difficulties as challenges to be overcome, will survive far better than those who act from fear or self-pity. These people know how to maximise their strengths and find resources to compensate for their weaknesses. They stay in control.

Perhaps the most famous example of resilience is Viktor Frankl, a writer, psychiatrist and survivor of Auschwitz. Frankl observed a common attribute amongst survivors – they were connected with a purpose; they were clear on their values; and this gave them hope. In these tough times, remind your people about why they’re there, the best in customer service, the high achievers, or the quickest response support.

Interestingly, truly resilient people are also humorous, fit and persistent. Having a capacity to laugh at yourself and adversity, takes the stress out of the situation. Being fit can allow endorphins to positively affect mood, along with the more obvious benefits. Nothing takes the place of persistence, when people are faced with the need to learn new skills and re-learn from trial and error.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Peter Senge first introduced us to the concept of a learning organisation and it’s times like these, that we realise, we can take this to another level of adaptation and recovery. A resilient organisation is not only a learning organisation redesigning itself constantly, it is also a flexible organisation, that can rapidly adapt to new ideas and swiftly implement changes in behaviour.

Resilient organisations, adopt and design systems, that emphasise resilience in their people and acknowledge their positive intent and behaviour, typically encouraging decentralised decision-making. Won’t that mean a loss of control? Not if the extent of the authority is clearly defined, and the independent groups are also interdependent, constantly in touch with each other, sharing knowledge.

Resilient organisations are also in touch with their purpose, and their values. They’ll take the time to review these, in view of the changing environment, to maybe re-affirm or re-adjust and take the time to develop their people, to adjust to these changes.

And finally, resilient organisations anticipate emerging opportunities and threats, treating the threats as more than just the last letter in SWOT. Their strategic planning sets up appropriate scenarios. It’s been said if we fail to plan then we plan to fail. Equally if we fail to anticipate then we anticipate to fail.

What has been the effect of current global financial crisis on your organisation? What has happened, that you’ve had to “re-act” to, and what might happen that you’ll need to “pro-act” to? Most importantly, without losing sight of your own purpose, what systems and processes are in place, to identify how you and your people are monitoring and adapting to these external pressures right now?

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by Paul Davis

Why HR is a mystery to others

In a recent survey of two large organisations, employees indicated that they knew what services IT offered, what Operations actually did, or how Purchasing can help them but the specifics of the HR department remained a mystery to many!

Why is it that a new employee can quickly grasp what to expect from IT or Operations but not their HR colleagues? While IT is more tangible and Operations is perceived as core function, HR might best be understood as the function that is seen but not heard.

Indeed, with the exception of training, much of the work HR does is invisible and complementary to achievements rather than the clincher of the results. HR is also an umbrella function – the home of an often eclectic assortment of offerings from recruitment to performance management, training to change management. In smaller organisations functions that do not seem to fit anywhere else often end up being housed with HR.

Is it little wonder that many employees and business teams still do not know exactly what to expect from their HR colleagues.

time exThe Services Catalogue

The solution to this seemingly perennial problem could be publishing a ‘services catalogue’. This is an excellent device that will advertise and promote HR services within sizeable multi-department organisations. It not only clarifies what internal customers can expect, it beams self-confidence about the HR capability and demonstrates the ‘willingness to support’ expected by our business partners. Services catalogues not only please internal customers, they are also superb quality assurance and knowledge management tools.

A services catalogue is essentially the same as any other catalogue in that it showcases a range of services which customers can select from. To be successful, catalogues must ensure that they offer services that their identified customer base actually desires and needs. For the HR team this means: understanding what their business partners expect from them; what additional services they have the means to offer; and what services they will need to offer to support future organisational development.

Information gathering

This information cannot be gathered in isolation from the business, only through consultation and knowing the business. Once you know what your internal customers/business partners want from you, your staff draft a list of all services they currently perform, all services they believe they should be performing and all services they would like to perform that fall within the scope of their role.

In teams such as L&D, recruitment and employee relations, staff then examine their capacity to deliver each service that their team has listed. Capacity can be measured through a combination of a person’s experience, knowledge, qualifications and resources. It is vital that any service which ends up in a services catalogue can be competently delivered.

Delivery Capacity

Also, identify which of the staff have the capacity to deliver those services – a kind of matching check once an internal client requires a particular service. The catalogue will require an administrator to update information as staff come and go from the organisation and as staff develop their capacity to deliver services. In this sense the catalogue also becomes a record of HR staff abilities and development needs as well as a quality assurance tool to support the services being delivered.

Once staff capability is measured against services identified, there will most likely be skills gaps. It could be that some services, which have previously been offered to the business, have not been supported by adequate capacity. It is also likely that some have qualifications or past experience which could be a great benefit to the business that nobody knew about. Some services could be offered more widely because of excess capacity and some services may require quick upskilling of staff to continue to offer them.
Development Blueprint

Measuring capacity against service deliverables will automatically provide a strategic blueprint for the professional development of staff. Every course that a HR staff member attends will now be aligned to supporting the goals of the business in a demonstrable and quantifiable way. The training budget can now be prioritised rather than allocated ad-hoc to those who submit requests for development.

The skills audit will reveal where there is the greatest need for learning and development. No more struggling to justify to a staff member why their request for training was declined; the services catalogue becomes an impartial umpire. If someone desires training they must justify their request in terms of the services catalogue.

Once a list of services that can be delivered has been compiled the catalogue can be prepared. Each service or product is given a number for ease of ‘ordering’ much like a restaurant menu. The service or product is then listed in a single line and perhaps a couple of lines as a descriptor, something like this:

Learning and Development – Short Courses

106 Two day course in
Presentation skills
Learn to prepare and deliver basic reports
in the business setting

Versatility

The services catalogue is highly versatile. It can be loaded on to the organisation’s intranet, handed to new employees on disc or, of course, exist as a hard copy reference tool in the corporate library. It is a device that will require regular updating.

To promote this great innovation to your organisation, have an official launch. One idea which has worked elsewhere is to greet staff as they enter the building with a coffee and muffin during winter and hand out a few pages from the catalogue to illustrate its usefulness. It is a tremendous way to showcase HR’s commitment to the business – particularly if you are a new HR manager coming into an organisation.

To date, very few organisations have embraced the concept of a services catalogue so it will appear fresh, innovative and an especially practical way to demystify HR Services to the business at large.

Dr. Paul Davis is internationally recognised as a thought leader in strategic HR and its contribution to organisational development.

Paul can be contacted through The Training Link on 1300 88 44 33

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by Peter Sullivan

Imagine a situation where you could more accurately read a decision maker’s mind, gain an insight into where they are in the decision and know when they are ready to make a commitment. What would it be like if you could predict when a decision maker is going to follow through on your recommendations or solutions?

If you are involved with decisions or responsible for influencing others then knowing how the human mind makes decisions and choices can make you more successful.

time exThose in leadership roles are responsible for gaining cooperation and buy-in from their reports. Project managers often have no direct control over those they have to collaborate with to get results. Service people need to impact internal and external customers to successfully deliver a positive customer experience. Then there is the vital role where salespeople need to gain a commitment from their customers to accept their company’s products or services.

The more leaders, managers, influencers and sellers understand how decisions are made the more they can manage the situation and their people or customers better.

There are forces that decision makers are unaware of, or they can’t describe, that influence their decisions more than most influencers realise. Neuroscientists have proven that emotions are a vital part of learning and decision-making. Results from brain imagining during the decision-making process show that the emotional part of the brain, the limbic system, is activated before the more rational frontal lobes.

The ancient philosopher Plato said that the human brain was like a chariot with two horses, one of reason and the other emotion. What cognitive psychology and neuroscientists are now finding is that the human mind is being guided by an elephant representing emotion and a pony representing reason.

Emotions are a part of every normal human interaction. Neuroscience and cognitive psychology have demonstrated emotions and reason are not only essential for good decision-making they are inseparable. The larger the decision the more emotions have an impact on the final choice. In fact, the absence of emotion impedes good decision-making. Emotions are about motion – what moves people. How much are we aware of this? These emotions often operate under the radar!

Yet how often do we hear advice like: don’t bring your emotions to work; take the emotion out of your decisions; and there is no place for emotion here? This new evidence establishes that this advice, although usually well intended, is in fact impossible to achieve and is unhelpful.

When influencers have a good understanding of how and why emotions impact decision-making they have a significant advantage in being able to manage and influence others.

These new insights into the human mind show that, when it comes to motivating and influencing others, it is important to engage people at an emotional level first. Find out what is important to them and, from their perspective, what is of value to them.

When it comes to motivating and retaining good staff a manager’s style is critical. Managers need to move beyond just rationally motivating their staff with higher pay or better conditions, to emotionally engaging their staff. Research from the Corporate Leadership Council found those managers who emotionally engage their staff around human values and give them positive feedback get four times the effort from their people compared to rationally engaged staff.

A Harvard Business Review cites research showing emotionally satisfied customers are more loyal and deliver significantly more to the bottom line than merely rationally satisfied customers. In fact, the research shows that rationally satisfied customers act no differently from dissatisfied customers.

In a sales role having a great personality, a terrific presentation or a crushing close is not enough when dealing with experienced buyers. Tell selling is outdated. Information doesn’t necessarily change minds. Emotion gets people moving.

It is not the influencer’s role to prove how brilliant they are on the technical aspects of their products and services. The problem isn’t how much the influencer knows. The problem is they want to tell the client how much they know, instead of finding out what the client needs to know.

The best influencers are those who can make the emotional connection with the decision maker and help facilitate the decision.

In sales, the role of the seller is to engage the decision maker or buyer with a variety of good conversational questions that will help the seller to understand the decisionmaker’s world, hopes, fears and aspirations. The needs or problems the buyer faces can then be amplified by using questions to explore the consequences or domino effect of the buyer’s problem.

There has to be some emotional discomfort with the current situation to motivate the buyer to want to change. What moves the buyers beyond dissatisfaction with the present to commit to change are questions that evoke hope and optimism about the future benefits of making the change?

Those who deny or ignore emotions in decision-maker interactions lose more than 50% of their influencing capability.

Understanding how emotions impact decisions and behaviours gives leaders, project managers, change agents and those in sales and customer service a clear advantage in reaching their objectives. The ability to engage the head and the heart of others is an essential influencing skill that produces longer lasting and high trust relationships.

“People will forget what you have said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel”

Maya Angelou

Peter Sullivan

Peter Sullivan works with business leaders and sales teams, showing them how to develop the discipline, to do the often difficult, but high payoff activities.

He can be contacted through The Training Link. Phone: 61 1300 88 44 33.

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